Distractions
by SkyBlueTattoo
Summary: Add 6 bird-kids. Mix in 1/4cup grumbling, 1/3tsp geeky gamers, and 1 red lace bra. Gently fold in FAX. Stir. Let cool for 15 minutes before serving to crazy readers who hang around FanFiction reading funny stories about Maximum Ride. Summary by greyskys.


**Authors note: Okay so this is an older piece of writing, so it kind of sucks, I was just posted it to see what people would think. It's a Maximum Ride fan fiction, it is definitely a humor fic, so there is some OOCness, especially Fang, but isn't there always a little bit of OOC behavior when it's a comedy? This is set somewhere after the second book… I think. I haven't read the books in a while so let me know if I get anything wrong. **

**Disclaimer: Maximum Ride and all of it's wonderful characters belong to James Patterson (Because if I really owned the Flock, specifically Fang, do you really think I would be writing fan fiction?)**

* * *

"Iggy, you're in charge. Gazzy, Angel, help Iggy set up camp." I ordered as we touched down in a small clove of trees that would be a good shelter for the night, seeing as you wouldn't be able to see it from the sky unless you have hawk eyes, and lucky for us we do.

"Fang, Nudge, you're with me." They both nodded and followed me back into the sky.

"Where are we going? Are we going to go get some food? 'Cause I'm like starving, aren't you? I mean we haven't eaten since, like, lunch. Well I guess that isn't that long, but still I'm really hungry, plus we have been flying for _so_ long. I bet that burns up a lot of calories. Gosh, no wonder you're so thin, Max, you're, like, one of the tallest people in the flock and you eat the least. Why do you do that? Is it because you like think your fat or something 'cause I don't think your fat-"

"Nudge if you don't shut up, I'm going…" I couldn't even find something bad enough. "Do something I may regret later." Even though that didn't sound at all threatening I think she got the gist of it.

"To answer your questions, yes, we are going to get some food, there's a town a little bit from here; we're going to 'borrow' some food from them. Yes, flying does burn up a lot of calories, that's why we eat so much. No, I don't think I'm fat, I just forget to eat sometimes, plus I'm not that thin."

Fang made a small sound that sounded a bit like a snort, - it was hard to tell with the wind going by so fast - but other than that he kept quiet.

_Yep, that's our Fang, Mr. Strong and Silent_. I thought to myself. Would it kill him to crack a smile?

"What?" Fang asked. He must have noticed me staring at him.

"Uh… nothing. Oh look, there's the town."

We quickly flew down behind some trees, where no one would notice, and walked into the town. It was nice enough, I guess. It had some cute little shops and a park in the more downtown area. But that's not what I was interested in - if we went down there we might be recognized, and that was not good, so instead, and much to Nudge's unhappiness, we went behind the local Seven Eleven to go, yep, you guessed it, dumpster-diving. And as much as I don't want to, dumpster-diving was our best option at the moment, since we lost the Max Ride bank card, we're back to going from place to place, and hoping there's a meal there. I had a few extra bucks, but I wanted to save that for an emergency - like if one of us got hurt, so we could buy extra stuff for the first-aid kit. But that didn't seem to really matter to Nudge at the moment.

"Oh, ew, that's disgusting, Max, can't we please go somewhere else?" She whined.

I sighed, "Can't we at least see what's here?" I bargained.

"Fine," was her disappointed answer.

So we lifted up the top to find… nothing, nada, zip.

"Arg," I groaned, "Today must be trash day." Nudge made a happy little cry and proceeded to do a 'we-don't-have-to-eat-out-of-the-trash' dance.

"So what are we going to do now?" Fang asked.

"Well I guess we're going to have to find a way to steal some food from the Seven Eleven."

"What? Max, how are we going to do that?" Fang asked, his brow furrowing, "They have surveillance cameras, we would be caught on film."

"Couldn't you just put it on a fifteen-minute loop or something?" I asked, "I thought I saw Iggy teaching you how to do that."

He scowled. "Yes I could do that if I had to, but what about the store clerk? As easy as it would be to just knock him out cold, don't you think it might be a little suspicious? Not to mention we might start to get a bad reputation." Oh how I loved his sarcasm. But he had a point. If someone knew we were out in the forest someone might send the police to come check us out.

"Well, what else are we supposed to do then?" I snapped. Jeez, he doesn't say much, but when he does say something, why is it always questioning me? "Go back to Iggy and tell him 'Sorry we couldn't find any food, guess you'll just have to make do with what we have', which if you haven't noticed, is nothing. So, unless you have some brilliant plan on how to get past the store clerk without knocking him out, we'll do it my way." It was the only thing I could think of at the moment, plus I'm sure they wouldn't send the police out just for a mugging… I think.

Fang just glared at me. _God what has gotten into him lately? It's like every time I come up with a plan he finds something wrong with it._ I thought to myself. I mean, look at this, we just got into a huge fight over getting something as simple as food, and when did Fang start having trouble with knocking some guy out? That's usually what I have a problem with. Damn that conscience of mine, it always seems to get in the way.

"Uh… Fang might not have a plan, but I think I might have one."

We both glanced down. Wow, I had totally forgotten that Nudge was there.

"What?" I asked.

"Well I kinda think I might have a plan on how to get in, but it's probably stupid, I mean it would be really easy to get in if Angel was here… But she not, so I was thinking… Actually it's stupid never mind."

I was pretty surprised that Nudge had come up with something. She's usually the one who has the short attention span, who doesn't care how we get the food as long as we get some.

_But she is growing up Max._ Of course the Voice had to feel part of the conversation.

'_Butt out.'_ Was my only response.

Now that I think of it though, she has been spending as much time with Iggy, as she has with Angel, and she was starting to stay up later when I'm not paying attention. Jeez, soon she's going to be asking if I want her to take first watch.

_See Max, she is growing up and you're going to have to start dealing with that. She is turning into a young woman, just like you. She will start changing, emotionally and physically._ Whoa, was I getting 'the talk' from my Voice? 'Cause that's just weird.

_No Max you're not getting 'the talk' from me, you're getting a warning that you're going to have to give Nudge 'the talk' soon._ Okay, weirder.

"Max? Max, are you okay?" Nudge said, a concerned look on her small face.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about how fast you're growing up," I said, smiling. "Now what were you saying about your plan? No don't look at me like that, I want to hear it."

"Well you're not going to like it."

"Tell me anyway, it can't hurt."

"Um, okay, well I was just thinking that if Fang could fix the cameras then I think I know a way to distract the guy at the counter."

"How?" I asked, intrigued.

"Well," she paused, "I thought maybe you could distract him."

Fang's POV

"How?" Max asked.

"Well I thought maybe you could distract him," Nudge said.

"What? How is Max supposed to distract him?" I couldn't help it, the words just popped out of my mouth.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be the guy who's made out of stone, the guy that has no emotion, as Max would put it, Mr. Strong and Silent. Well, too bad.

Because the thing is, I can pretty much read the flock like a book, but the only exception is with Max, and with Nudge. I guess it's because Nudge's emotions change so fast that I can't really read her face, or something. All I know is she is the only one that I can't look at and get a good idea of what's going on, so she's kind of a mystery, which, by the way, bugs the hell out of me.

And then there's Max. Ah yes, the great Maximum Ride. What they don't tell you in the books is that she is completely, totally, unimaginably, confusing. Quite frankly, I've given up on trying to understand her, she will always be a Maximum Mystery. Well, at least to me.

Anyway because of all this, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to understand, at least a little bit more, of Nudge.

"Well, I was sort of thinking," Nudge started, "That if we dressed you up in a… suggestive manner you could distract him with your… Charm while Fang and I got what we needed." She finished looking up at Max with a sheepish look on her face.

Max's POV

I swear I could hear my jaw hit the bottom of the floor.

"So basically you want me to distract him with my boobs while you and Fang make a run for it?" I said, so shocked that I forgot that sometimes when I say what's on my mind it tends to sound harsh.

Fang winced, and Nudge look ashamed, like she just thought of something that was against the law or something (Which in some states it might be… now that I come to think of it. But then again, stealing from a Eeven Eleven isn't?).

Fang put a finger to his chin as if thinking, "Actually…" he said, "It might work."

There goes my jaw again.

"What?" I asked, "You can't be serious, you want me to dress up as some… some…!" I was at a loss for words.

"Shhhhhhhhhhh!" Fang whisper yelled at me, "It could work. Seriously Max, I think Nudge has the right idea here."

I was about to open my mouth to ask how on earth _this_ idea was the right one, but he kept talking obviously knowing I would try to break in.

"No really just hear me out: Okay, look at the sun, it's setting right now which means it's going to be dark in a little while, which means the younger kids are probably going to get scared that we're not back. If we come back without any food they're going to be seriously pissed, especially Iggy. We could go buy some food but I know your trying to make sure we have enough money for an emergency. If we make a big stunt and get caught we're going to have to fly out of here, which means we may get our pictures taken, or if they suspect us of hiding out in the woods they might come looking for us, which means we will have to leave and find a new place to hide. Again."

I opened my mouth to argue, then I closed it. What if he was right? I mean, we didn't have very many options. It's not as if I was offering to sleep with him or something, I was just distracting him.

I frowned. I didn't like the idea of _me_ being the distraction. I was used to being the one who did the butt kicking, or the stealing, or whatever other action was involved. I was _not_ used to being the one who had to stick her chest on the counter, smile, and twirl my hair while _someone_ (cough, Fang, cough) did the stealing.

I ground my teeth, thinking.

"Fine," I said, "But _only_ because I don't see any other options. This is _not_ going to be a regular thing, okay?"

"Okay, fine," Fang said, "Nudge you do your thing and make Max look… Un-Maxish." He smiled. "I'll go fix the cameras."

Nudge turned to me, an evil smile on her face.

"Ok-ay!" she said, breaking 'okay' into two words, "You ready?" She asked. She was practically jumping up and down.

"No."

"Great!" she said, walking me back behind the dumpster where no one could see us, "Let's get going. Okay first off I think we need to do something with your hair-"

"What's wrong with my hair?"

"Then we need to do something with those pants-"

"Okay, now what is wrong with my pants?" I asked.

"They're too long." she said simply.

I glanced down. They just barely reached my ankles.

She leaned down, grabbed hold of the bottom of my pants, and pulled.

"Nudge!" I screamed as she ripped my perfectly good jeans all the way up to my

thighs.

"What?" she asked, "You were going to get rid them anyway, they're too small."

"Yes, but I could have given them to you or Angel. Now they're just a complete waste!"

She just rolled her eyes at me. She finished the other leg and then, much to my displeasure, ripped the jeans from the outer seam all the way around, turning my slightly small pants into _very_ short shorts.

"Nudge! What the hell?! I look like I'm wearing a jean bathing suit!" I screamed.

"Calm down, someone's going to hear you," she said, standing up to look at her handy work.

"Hmm…" she tilted her head to one side, thinking, "I think we need to do something with your shirt, and your hair, yes definitely your hair."

Before I could even open my mouth to object she was unbuttoning my shirt.

"Whoa! Okay can we talk about this for a minute?" I asked, holding my arms over my chest. "When I said 'distract him with my boobs' I didn't mean that literally."

"Come on Max, you're going to have to show a little skin if you want him to not notice two abnormally tall and scruffy looking kids stealing food from right under his nose." Okay so she had a point there.

"Well what exactly are you going to _do_ to me?"

"All I'm going to do is make your shirt a little bit more… appealing. And really, all I'm going to do to your hair is just brush it out - it's a rat's nest you know. If you just let me do these couple of things you'll be ten times more appealing. It's not like I have to do much. You really are quite pretty you know, I mean, ask any guy and I'm sure he would tell you…"

I let her voice fade out as she started talking about what a guy would find attractive and how I had almost all of those aspects. Because if I just brushed my hair I would have boys lining up for me, huh? Good thing I forget to brush it most of the time. Should I be scared that she knows what appeals to a guy, I mean, where did she even learn all of this anyway? I know I sure as hell didn't teach her.

"Anyway so that's why I need you to wear… dang where'd I put it…?" Nudge was bent over her backpack. Why she had brought it with her I have no idea, did she really think it would come in handy? Maybe she just didn't want to leave it in the camp and to Ange'ls wandering hands. But then again with as much as she knows maybe I _don't_ want Angel looking through her stuff.

"What do you want me to wear?" I asked, since I hadn't been listening to her.

"Oh, well, do you remember when we ran out of cloths so we went to that thrift store and you said we could each get one thing that we wanted, even if it was kind of unpractical? Well I got this, 'cause it was really cute, but when I tried it on it was way too uncomfortable, plus it was a little bit too big for me. But I hung onto it just in case I might need it for something."

"Ah, here it is," she turned around to show me, "I think this is _exactly_ what we need!"

"W-what the hell is that thing?!" I stuttered, staring at the red lacy bra that was hanging in my face.

"It's a bra silly." Nudge giggled. "I mean, I knew you weren't into girly stuff but I thought you would at least know what a bra is," she said, teasing me.

"I know what a bra is," I said glaring daggers at her, "What I don't know is why you'd ever want me to wear something like… like… _that_. I mean it barely covers anything!"

Nudge just rolled her eyes, "It covers enough. Now come on, just change into it." She shoved the evil piece of fabric… Er, I mean, bra at me.

"Just wear it, okay? And while you change I'll figure out what to do with your hair."

I sighed. I wanted to fight this but it seemed pointless. It was starting to get dark and if we took any longer Fang was going to come over to ask what was taking so long, and that was definitely not what I wanted. All I wanted was to get this over with.

"Fine," I hissed, taking the bra and quickly changing out of my nice, comfortable sports bra into the extremely uncomfortable underwire bra.

"Okay, done," I said, as I fidgeted trying to make the bra at least a _little_ more comfortable.

"Wow, look what a push up bra does to you Max, you look fantastic!" Nudge said, smiling at her handiwork.

"Oh, yay." I said dryly, "Thank you so much Nudge, this is what I've always dreamed of: Looking good in a push up bra.

Nudge just rolled her eyes. "Hmm maybe I should ask Fang what he thinks, oh, Fang-"

I leapt toward her, quickly covering her mouth with my hand.

"Do it and you die."

"Hehe, okay then, shall we continue?" She smiled deviously at me.

"Fine," I practically growled at her. Jeez, when had she gotten so mature? It seemed like only yesterday that she was still crawling into my bed because she had a bad dream. Now she was dressing me up in skanky outfits. What's next?

Everything seemed to go pretty smoothly after that, though. Nudge brushed out my hair doing some flippy thing with the brush so the ends looked neater, and so it didn't look like I had a million split ends. The only thing that I complained about was when she put the bright cherry lip gloss on - it felt like I had food on my lips or something. I kept feeling like I should wipe my mouth. How do people put this stuff on every day?

"Are we done?" I asked finally.

"Yes… Er, almost." She quickly walked forward and started unbuttoning my shirt.

"Nudge," I growled, "What the hell are you doing?"

I was wearing a long sleeve shirt with that had buttons all done the front, not one of my favorites, anything with buttons is basically a pain in the ass but I still didn't want her to do something funky to it.

She finished unbuttoning, and took a step back looking at me.

"You're not seriously going to leave me like this are you?!" I asked. I mean I knew we were going for the sexy look, but this seemed to be going a bit too far.

"No of course not, jeez." She looked at me like I was crazy for even thinking it.

"'Jeez', she says, because ripping my pants off isn't crazy at all"—

She reached forward and ripped one of my sleeved off.

"Nudge!" I screamed, "Why did you do that?! This was one of my favorite shirts!" I lied.

"It was not, and it's starting to get toward warmer weather anyway, you would have done it eventually," she said as she ripped the other sleeve off.

"There. Now," she reached forward and tied the ends of my shirt together. Making it bunch up so my whole stomach was showing. She did a few of the buttons so my entire bra wasn't showing, but you could still see a bit of red lace.

"Perfect." She smiled as if I was a masterpiece she had just painted.

I looked down taking in all she had done to me.

"I look like a hooker." I stated simply.

"In this situation that's a good thing. Now let's get going." She swung her backpack over her shoulder and walked out from behind the dumpster to where

Fang was waiting.

"What?! Nudge, I can't go out in public like this!" I screamed from behind the dumpster.

"Oh, yeah, sorry." She threw me my coat. "Wear that so he can't see your wings."

I vaguely wondered what the point of ripping my sleeves off were if I was just going to wear my coat.

"That was not what I meant! I'm not coming out!" I pouted, it may be childish but there was no way was I letting anyone see me like this, especially not Fang.

I heard Fang sigh, "Just get your ass out here already, we're wasting time."

"Come on Max, channel your inner sexy!" Nudge cheered.

"Yeah Max, channel your inner sexy," Fang said, and I could almost hear the smirk in his voice.

"Fine," I hissed. Taking a deep breath I took one step, then another until I finally found myself walking out from behind the dumpster. And then I was standing in front of Fang, my face as red as a stop sign and a glare that clearly said death to anyone who even thought of commenting.

Fangs jaw went slack and his eyes widened. His eyes went up and down taking in my whole body, stopping at my chest for a minute. He blushed slightly, and moved onto my face.

"Nudge," he said carefully, "Who is this and what did you do with Max?"

"I know, she looks hot doesn't she?" Nudge said sounding very proud of herself.

"She looks… Very unlike Max," he said finally.

"Well I still am." I whapped him on the back of the head as I walked past him. "So let's get this over with, I'm starving."

"Okay, now Max," Nudge said as we waited around the side of the Seven Eleven, "Fang and I are going to go in and pretend to be looking for something. Wait a couple minutes and then come in after us, okay?"

"Yeah," I said, feeling nervous, which was stupid. Why on earth would I be feeling more nervous about showing off my stomach than I would robbing a store? Maybe I'm just that twisted…

"Oh, and Max?"

"Yeah?"

"While you're waiting, try and think about the best way to get his attention, think of all the movies you've seen where the girls are trying to look good okay?" She smiled helpfully at me.

"Uh, okay." I had no idea how to look like anyone I had ever seen on TV, but I guess I could try.

"Can we get going?" Fang asked, looking uncomfortable.

"Ooh, wait, take this." Nudge handed me a piece of gum. "Okay bye!" She waved at me like this was something she was actually looking forward too.

_Well at least she's happy,_ I thought as I waited, popping the gum into my mouth absently. _Hmm… sexy, sexy… what do I think of when I think of sexy…_

_Fang,_ My mind supplied unhelpfully. Erg! Stop that. Just stop that line of thought.

Okay back to the point. What would a teen store clerk who worked at a Seven Eleven think was sexy…?

Well I guess I can do the valley girl talk, and twirl my hair, all the basics. Let him look down my shirt, and pop my gum… yup that should do it. I hope.

It seemed like it had been enough time so I took a deep breath, and walked into the store.

I heard the bell ring as I walked in, and did a quick scope of the store. Fang and Nudge were pretending to be talking about what they should buy, but apart from that nobody else was in the store. Good, that means no one else will see us.

I turned toward the checkout. There was a guy who looked my age standing reading a magazine, and he looked extremely bored. He had oily red hair and bad skin, but apart from that he looked like a normal teenager, and I felt kind of bad for probably getting him fired. Oh, well.

"Hi," I said, using the girliest voice I could manage.

"Hello," he said in a monotone voice, not even looking up from his magazine, which I now saw was a gaming magazine.

Hmm… not going to pay attention to huh?

"Are you a gamer? I just _love_ gamers." I said and reached forward, pulling the magazine away from him so I could pretend to look at it.

He had a similar reaction to Fang's when he saw me - his jaw dropped and his eyes grew huge behind his glasses.

"Uh…" he seemed to be at a loss for words, but his eyes seemed to be working fine since they were glued to my chest.

I leaned forward on the counter, letting him see straight down my shirt.

Oh, his eyes got even bigger, and his face flushed. This was probably the closest he had ever gotten to a girl.

"Hey," I tried to make my voice sound slightly offended, but still using a whiny, girly voice, "My face is up here, honey," I said, putting one of my fingers underneath his chin and pulling his face up to my level.

"I, uh," he stuttered, embarrassed at being caught.

I let out a little giggle.

"Hehe, that's okay, I get that reaction a lot," I twirled my hair with one finger and gave him a smile. I even popped my gum a little, just to make sure I had all of his attention.

Okay, hurry up Fang, I can't take much more of this.

"S-so you like gamers?" He asked, an unbelieving look clear in his eyes.

"Oh yeah," I said enthusiastically, "I _love_ gamers. They have got to be the hottest guys in the whole world… or, like, the whole universe."

"R-really?"

"Totally."

"But," I tried to make myself look sad, "I…" I sniffled, "I don't know how to play. I've _always_ wanted to learn."

"I could, uh, teach you." Jeez, he didn't even know me and he was offering to teach me. I could be a serial killer for all he knows. Guys are such pigs.

"Oh. My. God." I said, breaking up every word, "You would, like, do that for me? If you did that, I would be in your debt for like, ever. I would do _anything_."

Oh, my God, Fang, hurry up. If I have to do this any longer I'm going to vomit.

Luckily right then I heard Fang say, "Okay Nudge on the count of three." I would never have been able to hear it if it weren't for my raptor hearing. I could also hear the store clerk saying something, but of course I wasn't listening to him.

"So," I leaned forward and ran my fingers over his name tag, "Your name is Eric? Oh wow, that's such a cool name." I moved my hip slightly so Eric couldn't see Fang and Nudge.

"R-really? Y-you think so?" Wow, this guy has got to work on this stuttering problem of his.

"Oh yeah, totally," I said, not really listening to him.

"One."

Fang and Nudge ran past me in a blur and were out the door before the store clerk could even see what happened.

"What the…?" Eric started to say, but stopped as I leaned forward even farther and grabbed his neck collar, pulling him forward.

"Whoa," he began to say again, but I pulled him even farther across the counter and put my mouth up to his ear.

"Can I tell you a secret?" I asked in the sexiest voice I could manage.

"Y-yeah."

"I really like you, but don't tell anyone about me. Please? I want to be your little secret, agreed?"

"Ye-yeah." He looked like he was about to have a heart attack, poor guy.

"Okay good," I pulled back away from him, "I'll be seeing you then." Good, he shouldn't remember anything after _that_.

"Wait," he said, sounding slightly confused.

Uh-oh.

"Hmm?" I turned slightly, halfway to the door. Should I make a run for it?

"I never got your name." I let out an internal sigh of relief - all he wanted was my name.

"Hehe, it's a secret." I waved goodbye and disappeared out the door before he could say anything else.

Oh, thank _God _that was over! I don't think I could have taken anymore.

"Psst Max!" I heard Nudge say and I ran back behind the dumpsters.

"What took you so long?" Fang said gruffly, throwing a backpack filled with food at me. He seemed pissed about something, but then again, he always seemed a little angry.

"Let's go," I said and we all took off.

"Ug, never again! Ever! That was the worst thing that's ever happened to me, I mean I thought that tank was bad but nothing compared to that!" I said

dramatically, "That was unbearable."

"You seemed to be bearing with it just fine." Fang said quietly, almost to himself.

I flew over towards him, "What the hell are you talking about? The whole time I was in there I was screaming at you to hurry the heck up!"

"Well, at least in my mind," I said, answering the weird look he gave me.

"Well, then what took you so long to come out? You should have just ran after us, why'd you hang around?"

"I thought the whole point of me having to dress up like a prostitute was so that he didn't notice you guys running out? I thought that after you left I was supposed to make sure he forgot about everything!" Jeez, Fang was so _infuriating. He_ was the one who talked me into to doing this!

Fang gave me a sideways look, "And what exactly did you _do_ to make him 'forget everything'?"

Okay that did it. I felt the anger pulse through my veins at a whole new level as we landed right next to the camp.

He took the backpack off his back and was about to start getting food out, but I tapped him on the back.

"Fang?" I said my voice taking on the same effect ice might have.

"Uh, yes?" He turned around to look at me.

I pulled my hand back and smashed against his face. It made a satisfying slapping noise as his eyes widened in shock.

"That," I spat at him as his cheek started to turn a bright red color, "was for making me dress up like some sort of hooker."

"And," I slapped him again, putting all my rage into it and making his head swing to one side, "_That_ was for ever even implying that I would do _anything_ with some store clerk!"

"Whoa, weird images," I heard Iggy say somewhere in the background, "would someone please explain what's going on? I really don't want to have nightmares tonight."

Nudge sat down next to him and started whispering hurriedly in his ear, "She's wearing what? And she did…" he trailed off, "Really? Damn, wish I could see her," he chuckled to himself, "I'm sure the blog would love that."

"Shut up!" Both Fang and I yelled at him.

He held his hands up in the universal sign of peace. "I didn't say I was going to take a picture, I was just thinking…"

"Well, stop thinking! Both of you." I gave Fang a pointed glare.

"Yes ma'am." Iggy started to get out random cans and packages, having Nudge read the labels to him.

"Ugh, I have to get these clothes off of me." I said to myself searching through my pack to try to find something comfortable to wear.

"Wow, first she's doing unmentionable things to store clerks. Next she can't wait to strip in front of us…" Iggy muttered to himself.

"Iggy!" I yelled, throwing some random can at his head.

"Oops, did I say that out loud?" He said, dodging the can easily.

Ugh, what is it with guys? They just say the first thing that comes to their mind, no consideration for how it might sound.

I sighed, exhausted, as I changed behind a large bush. Oh, how I loved sweats, so comfy and soft. I should make a vow to never change out of sweats again - how I'd love to see Nudge's face when I tell her that.

"When's dinner going to be done?" I asked Iggy as I walked out, dumping my clothes in my bag, all for the bra that is. I handed that back to Nudge, ignoring the weird look Fang gave me. I was _never_ going to wear that thing again. Never.

"'Bout, fifteen minutes," Iggy said, wrapping something in tin foil and throwing it into the fire, "Hey Gazzy, come help me with the hot dogs," he shouted to Gazzy who was currently fiddling with something in his back pack.

"But the… I thought you said you wanted me to finish it," he gave me a furtive glance.

"Er… yeah, you can finish it later though," Iggy answered.

"Finish what, pray tell?" I asked crossing my arms and raising one eyebrow.

"Uh…" Both the boys said, as if at a loss for words.

I sighed again. There was no way I was getting it out of them so I might as well just let it go.

I walked over to the log Angel was using and sat down next to her. "Hey honey, how were you while we were gone?" I asked, wanting to check in.

"Oh, I was fine, I was talking to the birds. They had some really funny stories to tell," she smiled up at me as if this was a totally normal topic.

"Oh, er, that's nice," I didn't know what else to say. What _do_ you say when your six-year-old tells you she was 'hanging' with the birds?

"Max?" She asked looking up at me with her always innocent face. "What happened today?"

I gulped, what was I supposed to say?

"It's just that Fang seems like he's upset about something, and so do you. Did you guys get in a fight? Why did you slap him?"

I just looked at her. Why all the questions?

"I think you should talk to him." She stated simply.

"What? Why?" Why should _I_ talk to him? _He_ started it! Ugh, now I sound like a child.

"Well, because, I don't think he's mad at you, I think he's kind of angry at himself, only I can't figure out why…" She seemed to be pondering this deeply. "So maybe if you figure it out you can tell me!" She brightened up at this thought, turning up to me and smiling. And how can I resist that smile?

"Um, okay, I'll talk to him, but I can't promise that I can figure it out any more than you can." I ruffled her hair as I got up, and stretched my sore muscles.

"Okay, thanks Max."

I walked over to where Fang was sitting, his normal 'I am deep in thought, don't piss me off' expression on his face.

"Hey," I said, bumping his shoulder as I sat down next to him, "What's up? You're getting that far off look again."

"I am not," he said, looking annoyed at my sudden appearance. Well jeez, if he's going to be all huffy why should I even try and talk to him? I was about to get up and storm off when I remembered Angel was probably watching. I turned slightly. Yup, sure enough she was watching. When she saw me looking at her she gave me the thumbs up. I sighed and put my head in my hands, since when did I become the group therapist?

"Why is Angel giving you the thumbs up?" Fang asked, one eyebrow raised.

I sighed again. "Because she's worried about you and asked me to come talk to you."

His brow furrowed. "That's ridiculous, why is _she_ worried about _me_? Nothing's wrong."

"I think she may have been worried that I hurt your manly pride by how awesomely I slapped you earlier. 'Cause you know, I'm just so good at being a bitch."

He chuckled slightly and ruffled my hair, much to my unhappiness, "Don't worry Max, I forgive you."

"What? Why?" I asked, feigning innocence, "It's not like I was asking for it."

"And," he paused," I'm sorry too, I was just being an idiot when I said all that stuff." I looked up at Fang, surprised. I can't believe he said he was sorry, I mean I already knew he regretted what he said, and he knew I knew, so there was no reason for him to actually say it. But he did anyway… I smiled slightly. Maybe he thought I needed to hear it? That kind of was sweet.

"Hey, what're you smiling about?" He asked looking down at me when I leaned against his shoulder.

"Oh, nothing." My smile grew a little wider. "It's a secret."

"Huh? What's a secret?" I simply shook my head still smiling, "Come on, tell me Max, or I may have to take back my apology." He smirked at me.

I gasped, "You wouldn't dare." I leaned back to look at him, pressing my hands to my chest as if I was holding onto his apology. "It's mine and I'm not ever going to give it back, so there!" I stuck out my tongue at him.

"No way, give it back." He glowered at me.

"You'll have to make me give it back," I said, smiling evilly at him.

"Oh yeah? Maybe I will." He smirked at me again.

"Oh really? And how will you do that?" I asked, leaning forward slightly.

"I have my ways." I barely noticed that he had leaned forward a little too.

"Oh, do you now? And what might those be?"

"Well-"

"Hey, you two! Stop flirting and get your butts over here, dinner's ready!" Iggy shouted at us, making us jump apart, both glowing a bright red.

Fang and I both sat in silence around the fire while everyone ate happily, too embarrassed to talk.

"So," Iggy drawled, "looks like Max's outfit worked on more than just the store clerk-"

"Shut up!" Fang and I both shouted. Again. We looked at each other, and then at everybody else, and we all burst into laughter.

Today had been one crazy day, but then again what day isn't when you're a genetically altered bird freak?

But really today had been more crazy than usual, I had gotten a makeover, seduced a poor Seven Eleven clerk, gotten in a fight with my best friend and at the end of it all it ended just like any other day would - with me and my family sitting around a fire eating hot dogs on a stick and laughing.

My life sure is strange. But I love it.

I love my family; my crazy, zany, mutant bird family.

* * *

**I bet your going, 'Woah, where the hell did she come up with this idea?' Yeah, I know its really wierd, and to tell you the truth I have no idea how I came up with it. I guess it was when I watched Pretty Woman again and I thought, 'Hmm, I wonder what Max would look like if she was dressed like that, more importantly what would Fang think?!' So than this came out! Yeah I know probably the wierdest thing ever, and I know its totally OOC for the characters, especially Max for agreeing to do this, but still, it was really fun to write! Writing Iggy was especially fun, and he was the easiest, it was like his personallity just flowed onto the page with no problems, but if he seems to OOC let me know okay?**

**Okay, so I know that there was like no Fax in there at all, and I'm sorry, I had intended to have more, but it just didn't fit with the story. I think some people add Fax just because they think the story needs it, but Fax doesn't happen all the time in everyday life for the Flock, so I thought if I tried to put a bunch of Fax in there it would sound forced. If you _are_ looking for Fax, please check out my story 'Passion', trust me, it has _plenty_ of Fax (but don't worry, it's still rated T).**

****

So, what do you think? Love it? Hate it? Tell me! I would _really_ love some feedback! Constructive criticism is welcomed, in fact thats the type I want the most! Flames will be used to toast marshmellows, so, I'm sorry but your efforts will go to waste.  
Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed it!

**Also, thank you to my amazingly wonderful beta letsbeginwiththisdance! She totally rocks, so if you ever need a beta check her out!**


End file.
